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October 6th, 2009
10:40 pm
so this is another point in my life where i'm going to try and actually stay up to date with some blogging. millions of thoughts are always going thru my mind, so maybe if i actually get things written down i'll understand myself better. it feels like my brain runs by spiderwebs/ outlines and i want to compose full sentences and complete thought processes instead, so let's see how this goes.
I've decided that i'm going to drop my 2 classes at MPC and just stick with working for now. i always start out the semester well and on top of things. but as of lately i've had little to no desire to be in a classroom. i'm slightly sick of school and need a change of pace.
change. wow, it seems like thats all i've been saying lately. a change with situations, romantic, friendly, scenic, emotional, physical, etc, etc. I've been on a diet for 2 weeks and it only feels like i've been gaining or retaining weight. last time around i did this diet, i lost 5 pounds easily within the 1st 6 days and my pants were proof. but i'm bloated all the time and this damned belly won't shrink. not even slightly. i even bought 2 really really cute bikinis to give myself the motivation to be healthier. (notice i say healthier and not skinny! i just want to get my body to a healthy and normal shape) oh well, i'm still sticking with it and hopefully my body will do what it needs to do.
i visited my grandma for the 1st time in weeks. i absolutely adore my grandma. she's spoiled me beyond what any grandmother should but its nothing i have ever taken for granted. she has taught me to love, to laugh, and to be the person that i am today. without my grandma i would have turned out to be someone completely different, maybe some brat with a cold heart. but within the last 11 months 6 days and how many odd hours that she's been in this coma, i can't bring myself to be in the same room with her for more than 5 minutes without crying. i hate seeing her this way and it is killing me to see her like this. if i could, i would trade places with her in a heartbeat. i'd be in that coma on that bed, and she'd be with the rest of the family and her loved ones. i miss her so much, and with the anniversary of her accident rapidly approaching i just can't help but feel this emptiness and lack of want or will for participation this halloween. it sucks, i hear everyone talking about plans and costumes and parties and everything in between. but all i can think about is "What would grandma be doing for halloween?" and she'd be with all her grandkids walking around the town trick or treating and passing out candy. she'd buy a trillion pounds of candy even though she knew that she wouldn't get many trick-o-treaters. but she's use the leftovers as an excuse that her grandchildren love candy and they could finish it before grandpa could even get his hands on one reeses. Honestly though, she HATED halloween but she still put on a happy face for us grand kids. Geez, i'd give anything to have one of her famous hugs right now.
i finally got a new bed. its a full sized mattress and i have purple sheets. kind of sad that this is probably the high point of this post, but its the small things that matter right? anyways, purple is my favorite color and my grandma knitted me this amazing purple blanket years ago. i was always apprehensive to use it because i didn't want it to get ruined or torn. but now that i have a bed that is big enough and with colors that actually match, i feel a little better with having it out.
my brother brian came up from LA this weekend and he brought his lady friend with him. she's absolutely adorable and a complete sweetheart. she's a good match for my brother and i'm glad to see that she makes his this happy. she's the 1st girl he's brought home that i've actually had a good feeling about. she's a theater major and sophomore, he's a senior in business administration and they both go to USC, how cute. haha.
i love working at the office. Ramco is definitely a good match for me. the people are great and there is no ridiculous drama. its a positive environment and i'm always laughing. it feels good to be at a place that accepts me and genuinely cares about me and my family.
there are no new boys in the picture. it sucks but i'm not sulking in it. i just feel open to new options. i look at boys and think "ohh possibility!" but if Tim Lincecum ever did come into the picutre then i'd be one happy girl!
i'll post more later. it just feels like i'm running out of complete sentences & thoughts. too many one liners. anyhoo, until next time...
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July 24th, 2008
03:26 am
give me a little bit of time to work on this.... i'm changing around profiles and trying to get things to a new start. so just bear with me<3
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shmeatherbug's journal